30Thrive

Reason #2 for writing to 30somethings’s about thriving - Family Foundations Are Being Laid. Let’s expand:

I’m 31 and in my 10th year of marriage but my kids are 2 and 4. The way my husband Brad and I run our family will forever make an impression on them. We had 6 years together before the kids came along. It was valuable time to get the kinks out because now everything counts. Every conversation, decision, interaction makes an imprint on their being.

What are our values, our convictions? What are our family’s non-negotiables? Do our kids ever see us spend time alone with

God or talking about scripture in everyday conversation? Are they secure about mommy and daddy’s love for each other? Do our kids know they’re more important to us than our careers and our stuff? Can they tell that we are after their hearts, not just their behavior? What precedent have we set in conflict resolution? Is Sunday just a day to wear our new dress clothes and eat out or a special day for worship and family? Are holidays about the kids or about Christ? Are athletics a chance to get the kids out of the house or an opportunity for character development and ministry? Will our kids leave home with any heart or skills to interact with those of different status or race? Or have they only seen how to climb the social and success ladder? Are they seeing us casually wave to our neighbors or engage in their lives? Do they see us pack our days full or leave margin between appointments? Will we hand down healthy eating, sleeping, and exercise habits or a pattern of indulgence or neglect? Are our financial decisions ones we’d be proud of our kids reproducing?

Decisions flow out of values, and values out of beliefs. If you believe in the Bible as God’s Word, then you’d agree we should value eternal things above all else. Namely our Triune God and the only 2 things on earth that last forever…the Word of God and the souls of men. These values should color all our decisions. For instance, because a person’s soul is of more value than our comfort, it is worth getting uncomfortable to reach out to a neighbor or coworker. Another example…since the words of God in the Word of God are of more value than our culture’s beliefs, it is worth transferring some of our media time to studying God’s Word. You can use this template to state your values and turn them into written convictions. Our values always dictate our choices.

If you’re married (with or without children, it doesn’t matter) – Join Brad and I in discussing with your spouse some of the above questions. Maybe even put on paper your values and convictions. I know you won’t follow them perfectly, but you definitely won’t follow them if you never think them through.

If you’re single – Grab a close girlfriend and take an afternoon to get alone with God and think through these questions. Many will apply to you even though you don’t have a spouse or kids yet. It will be great prep for now and later. Then share with your friend what you decided. Let her check in on you over time to help you stay on track.

Here’s an inspiring story about my older brother. Two of his major objectives in life are obtaining a heart level connection with his kids and being salt and light in his community. So when he was asked to coach his son’s baseball team, he didn’t cower to the extra effort and inconvenience it might be even though he had little baseball and no coaching experience. Instead, he took it on and became a hero to his son and a living example of Christ to the other players and parents. This is how pre-thinking our values tees us up to take those divine opportunities God places in our way.